A deeper, more compassionate approach to healing.
My work is rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Parts Work, Inner Child Work, and other experiential approaches that help us move beyond simply talking about or managing our struggles and instead develop a deeper relationship with our inner world.
Rather than asking, “How do I get rid of this?” we become curious about why it is here, what it may be trying to do for you, and what it needs in order to heal.
We all contain different parts.
You may already recognize the experience of having different parts of yourself, even if you've never thought about it in those terms.
A part of you may want closeness while another pulls away. One part may know exactly what you want while another is afraid to pursue it. You might have a part that pushes you to get everything right, another that criticizes you when you don't, and another that becomes overwhelmed and wants to shut down altogether.
In Parts Work and IFS, we don't see these different sides of you as evidence that something is wrong with you. We understand them as parts of an internal system, each with its own feelings, beliefs, fears, needs, and ways of trying to help.
Many of the parts that create difficulty in our lives developed their roles for a reason. A perfectionistic part may have learned that getting everything right was the safest way to avoid criticism or rejection. A people-pleasing part may have learned to prioritize other people's needs in order to preserve connection.
The same can be true of the parts of us that shut down, procrastinate, overthink, numb, avoid, or keep people at a distance. What can look from the outside like a problem to get rid of often makes much more sense once we understand what that part has been trying to do for us.
IFS holds that we all have a Self—a core presence within us that is naturally calm, curious, compassionate, confident, courageous, creative, clear, and connected. These aren't qualities we have to work to become. They are qualities that are already within us and become more accessible when our parts are able to soften and make space for Self.
The more access we have to Self, the more grounded we can become in who we really are. Rather than being taken over by our fears, wounds, or protective patterns, we can relate to those parts of ourselves from a place of curiosity, compassion, and clarity.
Self becomes the one who can listen to our parts, understand what they need, care for what they're carrying, and lead the whole system forward.
The Self at the center of who you are.
A different relationship with every part of you
Understanding our parts is only the beginning. Much of the healing in this work happens through developing a different relationship with them.
Rather than trying to get rid of parts, silence them, or convince them to change, we get to know them. We understand what they're afraid of, what they're trying to protect, what they're carrying, and what they need.
As parts begin to feel understood and experience your Self as someone who will listen to them, care about their needs, and help them with what they're carrying, they don't have to work so hard to manage everything on their own. Over time, they can begin to trust your Self and allow you to lead.
The goal isn't to get rid of parts of yourself. It's for every part of you to have a relationship with a Self who can listen, care for them, and lead.
When different parts of you want different things
Sometimes the places where we feel most stuck are the places where different parts of us are pulling in opposite directions.
One part may desperately want intimacy while another is afraid to let someone get too close. One may want to pursue something meaningful while another is terrified of failure, rejection, or change. One may push you relentlessly while another shuts down under the pressure.
In IFS, we call this polarization. When parts become polarized, they can get locked into opposing positions, with each fighting harder for what it believes needs to happen. It can feel like one side has to win—and whichever choice you make, another part of you gets ignored.
Rather than deciding which part is right, we slow down and understand both: what each part is afraid of, what each is trying to protect, and what each one needs. As parts begin to feel heard, they can start to soften toward one another, understand where the other is coming from, and recognize that they don't actually have to be enemies.
With Self helping to care for the needs of the whole system, the goal becomes finding a way forward that honors what matters to both parts. Instead of one part winning at the expense of another, they can begin to work together toward solutions where everyone's needs matter.
What once felt like an internal battle can become a much more collaborative relationship—one where your parts trust one another more, trust your Self to lead, and increasingly work together rather than against each other.
The more your parts come to trust your Self and one another, the less your life has to be governed by whichever part is the loudest, most afraid, or working the hardest to protect you in a given moment.
Being Self-led doesn't mean that fear, self-doubt, grief, anger, or conflicting feelings disappear. It means you can have a relationship with those experiences without being completely taken over by them.
You can set a boundary while staying connected to the part that is afraid of disappointing someone. Pursue something you deeply want while caring for the part that is scared and helping it feel safe enough to move forward with you. Make decisions by listening to the different parts of you, understanding what each needs, and allowing those needs to shape the way forward.
Over time, there can be a greater sense of internal trust and integration. Your parts know that they matter, that you will listen, and that they don't have to take over in order to be heard.
This creates more space to live from the qualities of Self—to move through your life with greater clarity, compassion, courage, confidence, creativity, curiosity, calm, and connection—and to make choices that feel more authentic and aligned with who you are and the life you want to create.
Becoming more Self-led
Interested in working together?
I offer psychotherapy for adults located in Washington and Colorado, as well as coaching for clients in other locations. You can learn more about each option below.