A deeper, more compassionate approach to healing.
My work is rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Parts Work, Inner Child Work, and other experiential approaches that help you develop a deeper relationship with your inner world.
Rather than asking, “How do I get rid of this?” we become curious about why it is here, what it may be trying to do for you, and what it needs in order to heal.
We all contain different parts.
You may already recognize the experience of having different parts of yourself, even if you've never thought about it in those terms.
A part of you may want closeness while another pulls away. One part may know exactly what you want while another is afraid to pursue it. You might have a part that pushes you to get everything right and criticizes you when you don't, while another becomes overwhelmed and wants to shut down altogether.
In Parts Work and IFS, we understand these different sides of you as parts of an internal system, each with its own feelings, beliefs, fears, needs, and ways of trying to help.
Many of the parts that create difficulty in our lives developed their roles for a reason. A perfectionistic part may have learned that getting everything right was the safest way to avoid criticism or rejection. A people-pleasing part may have learned to prioritize other people's needs in order to preserve connection.
The same can be true of the parts of us that shut down, procrastinate, numb, avoid, or keep people at a distance. What can look from the outside like a problem to get rid of often makes much more sense once we understand what that part has been trying to do for us.
IFS holds that we all have a Self—a core presence within us that is naturally calm, curious, compassionate, confident, courageous, creative, clear, and connected. These aren't qualities we have to work to become. They are qualities that are already within us and become more accessible when our parts are able to soften and make space for Self.
The more access we have to Self, the more grounded we can become in who we really are. Rather than being taken over by our fears, wounds, or protective patterns, we can relate to those parts of ourselves from a place of curiosity, compassion, and clarity.
Self becomes the one who can listen to our parts, understand what they need, care for what they're carrying, and lead the whole system forward.
The Self at the center of who you are.
A different relationship with every part of you
Understanding our parts is only the beginning. Much of the healing in this work happens through developing a different relationship with them.
Rather than trying to get rid of parts, silence them, or convince them to change, we learn to connect with them directly. We use what you're experiencing in the present moment—an emotion, trigger, symptom, or recurring pattern—as an entry point into your internal system. We tune into what's happening in your body, allow that felt experience to connect us with the parts involved, and begin to map out what's happening within your system.
Instead of guessing or intellectualizing why a part feels or responds the way it does, we turn toward the part itself and hear directly from it—what it's feeling, what it's afraid of, what it's protecting, and what it needs.
And often, what we hear is surprising. You may have thought about something endlessly, analyzed it from every angle, and feel like you understand exactly why it's happening—only to turn toward the part itself and hear something you never would have thought of. There can be so much more available to us when we listen directly to the parts underneath an experience rather than trying to figure them out from the outside.
As parts begin to feel heard, understood, and cared for, their relationship to you—and to one another—can begin to change.
When parts trust that they can get your attention and that you will listen and respond to them, they no longer have to become louder or take over in the same ways to make themselves heard. Instead of being left alone with old wounds or feeling responsible for protecting you on their own, they can begin to receive the attunement, care, and healing they need.
As parts heal and trust your Self to lead, they don't have to remain stuck in the pain or protective roles they once took on. They can grow, develop, and find new ways of being—bringing their strengths and gifts back into the system rather than devoting so much of their energy to protecting it.
When different parts of you want different things
Sometimes the places where we feel most stuck are the places where different parts of us are pulling us in opposite directions.
One part may desperately want to break an addictive pattern while another still reaches for the relief, escape, or comfort it provides. One part may know it’s time to leave a relationship, job, or situation that no longer feels right while another is terrified of what comes next. One part may want to speak up or set a boundary while another fears the conflict, disappointment, or rejection that might follow.
In IFS, we call this polarization. When parts become polarized, they can get locked into opposing positions, with each fighting harder for what it believes needs to happen. It can feel like one side has to win—and whichever choice you make, another part of you gets ignored.
Rather than deciding which part is right, we slow down and understand both: what each part is afraid of, what each is trying to protect, and what each one needs. As parts begin to feel heard, they can start to soften toward one another, understand where the other is coming from, and recognize that they don't actually have to be enemies.
With Self helping to care for the needs of the whole system, the goal becomes finding a way forward that honors the needs of each part.
What once felt like an internal battle can become a much more collaborative relationship—one where your parts trust one another more, trust your Self to lead, and increasingly work together rather than against each other.
When this happens, the shift can extend far beyond the two parts we are working with. As these relationships change, the internal system itself can become less conflicted and more integrated, allowing you to move through life with greater clarity, flexibility, and a deeper sense of inner harmony.
Integration isn't about making one part win and another lose. It's about creating an internal system in which every part belongs, every part matters, and increasingly, all of you can move in the same direction.
Being Self-led doesn't mean that fear, self-doubt, grief, anger, or conflicting feelings disappear. It means you can have a relationship with those experiences without being completely taken over by them.
You can set a boundary while staying connected to the part that is afraid of disappointing someone. Pursue something you deeply want while caring for the part that is scared and helping it feel safe enough to move forward with you. Make decisions by listening to the different parts of you, understanding what each needs, and allowing those needs to shape the way forward.
Over time, there can be a greater sense of internal trust and integration. Your parts know that they matter, that you will listen, and that they don't have to take over.
This creates greater freedom to live from the wholeness of who you are. With greater access to the qualities of Self—clarity, compassion, courage, confidence, creativity, curiosity, calm, and connection—you can move through life with a deeper sense of inner harmony. You can make choices, pursue what matters to you, and relate to yourself and others in ways that feel authentic and aligned with who you are and the life you want to create.
Becoming more Self-led
Interested in working together?
I offer online psychotherapy for adults in Washington and Colorado, as well as coaching for those seeking a non-therapy space for personal growth and self-exploration. Coaching is available more broadly across locations. Learn more about each option below.